Working in student affairs, I should be used to the constantness of students coming and going from my life. I always thought I was good at dealing with that change, but the last couple weeks are an indication that perhaps I'm not as good at it as I thought.
What's bringing this about is an experience of having one of my favorite students make the decision to leave and move to another state. I did not react very positively to this news which bothered me. After all, this student/friend had been one of the most supportive of my decision to go back to school full-time. Why was I having such a hard time accepting this change?
After some time to reflect, I realized it was because it was so unexpected. We all know that the students we work with will leave, typically because they graduate. So when a student makes the decision to transfer, it can come as a surprise and disrupt the typical "flow" of time with our students. The important lesson I learned from this scenario, though, had more to do with me personally.
I projected my surprise and sadness onto the students' decision. I acted in a way that was not productive and supportive. I had to acknowledge that, in this case, I had put my needs ahead of those of the "other." And that had to change! Fortunately for me, this student/friend is a sympathetic soul and will forgive me. I am now 100% in this friend's corner and fully support his decision. How couldn't I when he sounds so excited and happy about this new phase of his life?
As leaders, we have to remember to not put the needs of others ahead of our own. As student affairs professionals, we have to believe we have helped students learn how to think critically and make the best possible decisions. And, when we forget this and are reminded of it by others, we have to be willing to eat a little humble pie.
In humbleness,
Brenda
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